Small Town News

Human Interest

Don't forget the dip

Arthur Graphic-Clarion of Arthur, Illinois

- Advertisement -

No, that headline is not a personal reference to me or anyone else (no, really). I just thought with the big game being this weekend that many of you will be hosting or going to a Super Bowl party; you might need some friendly advice on being host or attendee.

Let's start out with the name of your gathering. I don't think you can call it a Super Bowl party because evidently the NFL is the organization that invented the two words. They need the money, I'm sure, and might come hunt you down for a few bucks if you violate their trademark or copyright or whatever.

So call it the Fantastic Container party, and you'll be fine. On second thought, don't call it that, you want people to show up, right?

These are the five food groups of the Super Bowl (throw out that food pyramid junk) meat, cheese, dips, beverages, desserts. Its not like Michelle Obama is going to be there policing your food and fining you for calories. The NSA and IRS will probably handle that, not the First Lady.

Also, if you want to do your organic thing or your low calorie thing, don't get carried away. Just make sure it is in the shape of a football and you'll be fine. Don't get all bent out of shape if someone dips an artificially flavored bacon/cheese cracker thingy into your celery/hummus dip concoction either.

Speaking of getting carried away, don't overindulge in the beverage category un-less you have someone who has not indulged or indulged far less to take you home, to work, to the hospital? Also, you may think the cocktail wienies, mini-pizzas, spicy cheese dip, chocolate-covered pretzels, and little ham sandwiched (yes you ate 20 of those) are all very tasty. Don't be surprised if you end up with the gastrointestinal version of the Broncos vs. Se-ahawks taking place in your body.

If you are invited to a party that centers on football and you hate football, politely decline the invitation. Almost every Fantastic Container party I've been to there will be someone walking around loudly proclaiming. "I hate American football," 'This game is so stupid," and/or "I don't care who wins." While, until the last few years, this is America and you are free to express your opinion, but, remember, so are others. Those others may express their opinion by asking you to go get ice from the garage and then you find yourself locked out of the house.

If you are hosting, please advise all guests if rabid fandom of one of the two competing teams will dominate the gathering. I had a friend once who had casually picked up a jersey from one of the participating squads while on vacation in that city. He decided to wear it to the party only to find upon arrival that 90 percent of the people there were zealously following the opposing team. It made for a long night of heckling, taunting, and thrown food (that was mostly in the shape of the team mascot) — no one wants that at their party.

Finally, have fun and enjoy the spectacle that- is American sport. It is a little crazy, loud, boisterous, dramatic, exciting, tasty, and often patriotic! USA! USA! May the best team win and bring home that Fantastic Container Trophy to their fans! Speaking of containers, do you have any Tupperware I can put some of those wings and that celery/hummus dip in?

Copyright 2014 Arthur Graphic-Clarion, Arthur, Illinois. All Rights Reserved. This content, including derivations, may not be stored or distributed in any manner, disseminated, published, broadcast, rewritten or reproduced without express, written consent from SmallTownPapers, Inc.

Original Publication Date: January 29, 2014

More from Arthur Graphic-Clarion